Blog Has Moved

I have decided to move my blog toThe Opinionated Ruminate and I hope everyone follows me over there and continues their support of my blog site. I enjoy sharing my thoughts on movies, TV shows, books and whatever else comes to mind. I also enjoy the comments and feedback received and hope they continue at the new location.

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M. William Phelps’s Obsessed: Obsession, Narcissism and Murder [Book Review]


As someone who enjoys true crime stories, whether it’s a TV show/series, movie of the week based on a true crime story or in book form, I will watch and/or read about it and take it in like there will be a test on it the next day. If the story is told right, you are either left guessing on who the perpetrator is or why someone committed the murder. I like the shows that keep you guessing on both fronts and a true crime book has to do the same thing.

I became, and still am, a fan of Ann Rule. This lady could write a true crime novel like nobody else. I also enjoyed the writings of Patricia Cornwell (All That RemainsPostmortemBody of Evidence) who wrote her stories in the first person context under the name of Dr. Kay Scarpetta, who is a medical examiner. Rule’s books included The Stranger Beside Me (the story of Ted Bundy), Green River Running Red (about the Green River Killer), Too Late To Say Goodbye (about Bart Corbin who killed both his wives), and my favorite Everything She Every Wanted (the story of Pat Allison).


As mentioned, I enjoy true crime shows and a huge fan of the channel Investigation Discovery which is a channel dedicated to nothing but true crimes. Some of the shows on this channel are; Web of Lies, Deadly Women, Deadly Sins, Fatal Vows, Evil Kin, Deadly Devotion, Fear Thy Neighbor and A Stranger In My Home to name a few of their original on-going programs. I’m partial to Deadly WomanDeadly Sins, and Evil Kin. They also have a slew of new shows such as Murder Calls, Murder Choose Me, Vanity Fair Confidential, Your Worst Nightmare and my absolutely favorite A Crime To Remember. I recommend doing research on these shows, download the ID GO app from iTunes of Google Play, and watch these shows as well as other shows they have.

It’s from a number of these shows that I learned of true crime writer M. William Phelps. I think the first time I saw was on an episode of Deadly Women. After seeing him on a few episodes I did research on some his books and looked up reviews, some of which weren’t that good, to see if his books would be of interest to me. Because of the bad reviews I read,  I decided not to give his books a chance. We are now a few years past and he’s on more Investigation Discovery shows, or ID for short, and I’m becoming more and more interested in reading his books, despite some of the bad reviews I read.


I began doing research on his books and ready synopsis to find out what grabs me as my first dive into he M. William Phelps arena of true crime novels and came across Obsessed and boy am I glad I ignored the 3.82 rating given to the book on Goodreads. I felt that if I based on what I was going to read of watch on other’s opinions, I wouldn’t be reading nor watching anything. Yes, I do take the bad reviews in account along with the good reviews and then form my own opinion after reading the book or watching the show.

I purchased the book on my Kindle and started reading straight away and was hooked immediately.

Synopsis of the book Obsessed: “Sheila Davalloo was young, attractive, and successful. When she started a new job at a cutting-edge research lab in Stamford, Connecticut, she met the man of her dreams. Nelson Sessler had no idea how violently Sheila would react when he began seeing a co-worker, Anna Lisa Raymundo. Sheila eliminated her rival in a bloody knife attack–and then turned her rage on another victim she saw as an obstacle to her passions. M. Williams Phelps recounts the riveting story of a white-collar love triangle gone horribly wrong. . .and the terrifying infatuation that drove one woman to kill”. (Source: Amazon)


As with Ann Rule, Phelps has a way of making you feel like you are there. His writing is simple and easy to read, even when incorporating the workings of police as well as talking about DNA gathering and forensic evidence. You know who did it, or you think you do, but you wonder why they committed the crime. My thoughts on murderers is when did logic and self control leave their minds?

We all have made the remark of wanting to kill someone, but how many of us mean it. How many of us would be so obsessed over someone or something that it cause us to think that taking a life is OK because, well in the end, we are going to get what we want, which is either that person we killed for or that thing we thought was worth killing for.

The book starts out with bang by explaining the scene in the victim’s apartment (Anna Lisa Raymundo). As for someone who knows the last thing I see or read will creep into my dreams, I had to stop reading the book (I started the book at night) and only agreed (with myself) to read the book during the day. That didn’t last long. Once I got past the description of the bloody scene and started in on the story this became my go-to book before turning out the lights for the night.


Phelps gives enough description of the characters without boring the readers, as he does with a place or a particular scene. He does, what I like to call, gives just enough information so you know what’s going on. Phelps also does a great job with the back and forth of past to present. He knows how and when to talk about someone’s past life without you forgetting what’s going on in their present life. He writes in a manner as if you’re watching a show. He gets your attention and then keeps you wanting more. Phelps knows how to give the background of Sheila Davolloo up bringing to where you are not sure how she became narcissistic and where could things have possibly gone wrong. We are privy to the fact that she was brought up in a strict Muslim household although being born in America, her family moved to Iran when she was two, but returned to the Americas when she was sixteen. We learn of her excellent education and a great job she acquires at a pharmaceutical company. We also learn of obsession with one man named Nelson Sessler, who also works at the same company. We also learn of Anna Lisa, whom Nelson was dating and more serious with while he was “dating” Sheila. We also learn of Paul Christos, who becomes Shelia’s gullible husband who soon becomes another obstacle in her way to be with Nelson, who incidentally, really doesn’t want to be with Shelia in that manner. He sees Shelia as someone to have sex with and nothing more. Anna Lisa was someone he would want to spend the rest of his life with and Sheila, as well as other women, were just his side activities.

Even though I had my strong suspicion on who killed Anna Lisa, there were times I wasn’t sure. Phelps kept you guessing while revealing who the killer is or giving strong indications of who it is. He makes you wonder how Paul could be so gullible and fall for Shelia’s lies like when she told him she had a mentally ill brother who was coming to visit and Paul had to leave the condo because her brother didn’t know she was married and it would cause problems for him. How could Paul fall for this lie on quite a few occasions, each one getting more and more outlandish. For instance, in one instance she told Paul he had take his computer, printer and any thing else that would show signs of a man being in the house with him to his hotel he stayed at on weekends. While reading this I’m wondering why isn’t Paul questioning Sheila. Why is Paul allowing Shelia to dictate what he does without fighting back or at best question her? This was part of the book I had to try to overlook or I would have been consumed with the “stupidity” of Paul. Side note, the brother Shelia was having over was really Nelson Sessler.

And the kicker to the whole thing is if it wasn’t for Shelia’s attempted murder on her husband Paul (you have to read how this came about) hadn’t happen, I don’t think they would have found out who killed Anna Lisa. Yet, once they found out, it took another 10 years for the trial to take place and the narcissism of the murderer to be put on display….by the murderer themselves.

I highly recommend this book to any true crime reader. If you’re missing the days of Ann Rule, you now have M. William Phelps to lean on.

Title: Obsessed
Author: M. William Phelps
Published: 4 March 2014
Publisher: Pinnacle
Pages: 512
Available formats: Paperback, ebook, audible
Available sites: AmazonBarnes and NobeliBooks


Fictiophilia: The Attraction to Fictional Characters [Fangirl or Fanboy]


Fictiophilia the attraction to fictional characters (urban dictionary) is more commonly known as fanboy or fangirl or fandom. There’s something about fictional characters that we grasp on to, whether they are villains or the good guys/girls. I, personally, like to grasp on to the villains (movie, story, and even video games). And as with anything else,  I have to attraction to three fictional characters: The Joker (The Dark Knight’s Joker) and Master Sargent from Halo. My recent Fictiophilia has been with Joan Ferguson from Wentworth TV Series as well as Joan Ferguson from Prisoner: Cell Block H. But what draws us to these fictional characters?

I feel the number one thing that draws us is the mere fact they are just that, fictional. They aren’t real and therefore, they can’t hurt us as real humans can. Those of us  who have built a wall to the real world and real people find comfort in letting fictional characters into our lives. We know what they are about and if need be, we can discard them at any given moment without the guilt. The other thought is we can live our fantasies through them, whether they are good fantasies as in saving the world (Master Sargent) or destroying the world (The Joker). And even those out to destroy people (Joan Ferguson) who get in the way of our goals, even if we don’t know what the goal is.

Master Sargent. What attracts me to Master Sargent is he looked upon to help save the world from alien invaders. He is given a body of armor and excellent weapons to use, yet, he’s not indestructible. He gets killed time and time again, but he is able to do the mission as many time as needed. Why? Because he’s a fictional character in a video game called Halo. Once he gets killed, I, the player, am able to do the mission again. Master Sargent, in a sense, never dies. Through Master Sargent I can control where he goes and who he kills. I become Master Sargent, a hero for a few minutes in time.


The Joker. What attracts me to the Joker (and I’m speaking of the character played by Heath Ledger and might be adding Jared Leto once I see Suicide Squad)? I’m not quite sure. I like his
nonchalant ways when speaking to one person or a group of people. He likes to changes his story on how he got the scares on his face. First, the story was he did it to himself because his wife wanted him to smile more. The next time he told the story, his father did it to him when his father was drunk. But what I like more about The Jokes is he doesn’t let anyone get under his skin. He does, like any villain, get under your skin and the more you resist the more the drive is for him to accomplish his goal. And once the goal is achieved, he will find more ways to get under you skin. Which leads me straight into Joan Ferguson.


Joan Ferguson was a bent screw (another word for prison officer or guard) in the TV series Prisoner: Cell Block H. She not only got under people’s skin, but she bullied the prisoners into giving her their money, running a numbers ring inside prison and making moonshine down in the boiler room to sell to other prisoners for a profit. She had runners to do her dirty deed for all activities she conjured up. She also had what was called her “mid-night” walk in which she would do body searches in the middle of the night which were really ways for her to touch the prisoners in in appropriate places. This was one aspect of Ferguson I obviously didn’t care for. Prisoner touched on this part of her character very briefly and focused more on her ability to bully people, beat up people, steal from people, all under the noses of other guards and the Governor (aka Warden – depending on which side of the pond you’re from). Enter Wentworth’s Joan Ferguson. She didn’t run a numbers game or create moonshine in the boiler room, but she did bully people, or tried to, so she could take over the prison. For both Fergusonses, it’s about control, by any means necessary and for Wentworth’s Ferguson, if it meant making someone so scared of her that they peed their pants each time they saw her, then so be it. Is this what attracts me to Ferguson, the ability to scare the piss out of someone? Or is it the uniform?

I’ve thought about Ferguson and what the attraction is and yes, a lot of it is the uniform. When she’s out of uniform, as we have seen when she’s at home, the attraction is gone. If Master Sargent was out of uniform I would not feel the same for him. If the Joker did not don his suit and make up, I would not have an attraction to him either.


So what is it about the clothes and make up? Is it the hiding behind a mask while revealing out true nature to the world? Is it the ability to be something we are not while being exactly who we are at the same time? Is this what we want for ourselves, to be able to hide behind clothes and make up while being allowed to show our true nature to others?

Don’t Let the Words You Say in Anger become the Words You Regret

I consider myself a hot head and I have always been that way but since getting older I have become even more hotter. No, not in looks, but in temper. I’d like to say it’s the Scorpio in me but I might get cross eyed looks, so I’m going to say it’s the French in me. Or how about I just own up to it and say it’s just me that’s hot headed.

When I get angry, feel threatened or disrespected I resort to harsh hurtful words. I lash out with words I know, or hope, will cause damage to the other person. I’m referring to arguments that take place in real life; not via social media, but that’s where I’m headed.

There’s something about the computer screen that makes us all brave or braver. The computer screen is liquid courage to a lot of people, meaning, when some people get alcohol in them they become brave and begin saying what they feel. Sometimes the liquid courage will incite an argument or the liquid courage will heat up the argument by spouting words that normally wouldn’t come out of their mouths. The protection of the computer screen has the same affect on most people. I’m not one of them. What I say behind the screen is what I would say in front of you. The only difference is I can delete my typed words, but I can’t delete my spoken words. Don’t let the words you say in anger become the words you regret.

Over the years, my in person arguments haven’t improved (I still say stupid things that I have to forgive myself for), but my online arguments have greatly improved because I realize that the words I write are the words someone has to look at over and over again. The majority of people on the other end of the computer screen do not know you well enough to take your apologizes to heart. They will say it’s OK or no worries and continue being your Facebook friend, Twitter follower or any other social media follower, but they will forever remember the words written because it’s about acceptance. Once the words have been written the acceptance of them they thought they had from you deteriorates. No matter what anyone says, if you’re on social media you are seeking some type of acceptance from the outside world. I’m guilty of that to a degree. Anyone who says they aren’t are kidding themselves.

Verbal words are easy to apologize for because the person knows you and knows how sincere you are with the apology. But those on the other side of the computer screen don’t know you in that fashion and though they may say they accept your apology those words written in anger or hurt still linger in their minds and on their screens.

As cliché as it sounds, think before you type. Yes, you may be able to delete the comments from the screen, but you can’t delete them from someone’s heart.

Don’t let the words you say in anger become the words you regret.

Celebrity Meet and Greets: Game Faces and Fandom


I have never been to a celebrity meet and greet for I have never had the inclination to do so. Although I know I’m one of thousand of faces the celebrity sees, I would like to be the one that stands out at a meet and greet and I know that will never happen, so why go?

That was then, this is now. Now my thoughts on meet and greets have changed from said mentioned to I definitely never would attend a meet and greet, and here’s why.

Like any job that anybody does, when you show up for work you have a game face and attitude you have to put on for those in front of you. You have to pretend you like being there until it’s time to leave then you can cuss the place and people out as you’re leaving the parking lot. I’m sure celebrities do the same thing. But I digress.

I’ve had my share of meet and greets via a job I had back in 2004/2005 in which I worked as a Receptionist at a local television station. The television station had a Sunday morning show (I was once on the show, as well, and it was a great experience) and that’s how I met all the celebrities because they would come in on either Wednesday or Thursdays mornings to tape. The station was located on the third (reception and newsroom along with the sales department and fourth floor (fourth being where they taped everything and tech support department was located). The celebrities would have to stop at my desk for me to page whomever they were there to see, so I got my first look at how they really were because they are not there in front of a crowd of people and basically, they are being their true selves from the time they approached my desk to the time they disappear with their contact at the station.

I have good encounters, great encounters, not so good encounters and terrible encounters.

The good
Carson Kressley – Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Queen Noor of Jordan
Barbara Santana – Santana’s ex-wife
Tracy Chapman
Chuck D from Public Enemy – talked to him for an hour
Terry Bradshaw – gives the best hugs
Macaulay Culkin

The greatest encounter
Smokey Robinson – this one will require a YouTube video to explain my experience – but we talked for half hour

No so good / Horrible
Suzy Orman – very unpleasant personJesse Jackson

No name country singer. To this day I can’t listen to her music because of the bad experience I had with her.

When I was a freelance writer, during that time, I interviewed three people for a magazine I wrote for and of the three, Jennifer Beals and Terence Blanchard were my favorites because they behaved as they should have, like normal people. Jennifer’s phone number showed up on my caller ID as did Blanchard’s. Beal’s interview lasted 30 minutes although I asked for only 15 minutes and Blanchard’s lasted an hour. I had more in common with Blanchard as we are both musicians, but both were an absolute pleasure to interview and speak with.

I understand even celebrities have their bad/tired days with all the traveling they do and many, many people they probably meet in a day, but that does not excuse rude behavior when you are a guest in someone’s place of business.

Seeing how they behaved on taping day prior to taping and seeing how they are when the show airs is amazing. Those that were rude or unfriendly coming in only to see them smiling and giving their best face while taping shows they know when and how to turn it on. This goes back to the meet and greets. Meet and greets is a job to some celebrities. There are some that arrange them because they do want to thank their fans for being supportive for if it wasn’t for the fans the celebrity would not be where they are today. But then you have those that do it because they have to.

Back in 2014 Braden wrote an article titled It’s not you, it’s me: the truth about celebrity meet and greets – Baewatch in which describes what a meet and greet is and gives examples of how some celebrities are at these events.

The real truth about celebrity meet and greets is we are meeting our own imaginary, mythic person who lets us be who we really want to be. Meeting a celebrity is not about them; it’s about us.”

Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne ranked up there as awkward meet and greets in which taking a picture with them requires you to stand a couple of feet apart from them.

Lada Gaga will spend up to two hours with a fan one on one and Dolly Parton enjoys the meet and greets because, “It’s a relief, but don’t you think it almost becomes like an addiction too? They get addicted to that feeling. It’s almost like how people will fall in love over and over just so they can have that feeling again. With a real fan, they have those moments that make them feel that. Maybe a different moment at every concert. Some of these fans have seen my concerts over and over, even know every word I’m gonna say, every note I’m gonna play,  every joke I’m going to tell, but they’ll still find something new I’ll do in every show…. It’s almost like they wait for those little magic moments. I feel it from the crowd, too, which then gives me a rush.” 

“It has nothing to do with me. I’m distracting them, while they heal themselves.” (Meet and Greets)

Unfortunately, not all celebrities feel the same way as Lada Gaga or Dolly Parton.

Since my encounter with celebrities I no longer have a need or a want to run up to one and praise them and there’s nothing wrong with doing that at all.

I think meet and greets is a great way for fans to meet their favorite celebrity or singer and it gives the celebrity or singer a chance to meet their fans. The encounter may be for 1 minute or 1 hour; you never know and I definitely will never know, but I would like to hear stories from you on your meet and greets with celebrities or singers. It doesn’t have to be the formal ones. It can be someone you randomly saw and met.

Quitting My Job to Save My Soul: Sometimes You Have To Jump

“Risk means everything from being honest about your faith, to moving, to quitting a job that’s paying you a fortune but it’s not what’s in your heart. Risking things is one of the biggest fears we have.” John Tesh

Quitting My Job to Save Your Soul and Mind

One of the hardest decision to make in life is quitting a job. It may not seem difficult to some, but it was a hard decision for me because I would losing the paycheck I had grown accustomed to. However, I found I was losing my soul by remaining at company I no longer enjoyed working at. Feeling my soul dying each day was not worth the paycheck. In May 2016, I quit my job (I had a part-time job lined up that didn’t work out but for other reasons) and I have never regretted the decision.

These past three months I have reflected on my decision and I’m happy I made the jump. The jump did lead to a bad decision (a bad job decision) that I quickly got myself out of, but so goes life.

Luis D. Ortiz Quitting the Real Estate Business

I am a fan of ‘reality’ TV. I thoroughly enjoy SurvivorAmazing RaceBig Brother and many others. One of my favorite ‘reality’ shows  is Million Dollar Listing: New York on BravoTV. In the finale episode of Season 5, called Seaportlandia, Luis D. Ortiz decided that working in real estate is not for him and decides to quit. Oh, how I applauded Luis’s decision and hoped he goes through with it.


Luis D. Oritz / courtesy of Bravo TV

Luis rose up in the ranks of the real estate world without having a college degree. He’s been in the real estate business for about eight years,and reached the heights of selling million dollar houses and buildings (penthouses and apartments) on his own through hard work and determination.  In a previous episode titled Real Men Wear Pink…Tutus, he was speaking to an agent who had been in the real estate business for 25 years. This really made Luis think about his life and if he really wanted to be working in real estate when he’s 50.

In the finale episode he finally figured out what’s been bothering him for all these months. Speaking to the camera, Luis stated that something has been bothering him for months but he couldn’t figure out what it was until he spoke to the agent at the open house who had been in real estate for 25 years. Luis realized his heart is no longer in real estate. I can relate to what Luis is feeling and going through.

A good portion of my life I wanted to get into IT and I finally got there. But now I’ve realized my heart isn’t in it. My heart has always been in doing something creative and making a living from it, whether it’s music, writing or acting. I feel no sense of accomplishment unless I have done something creative.

When the Money Isn’t Worth it

I left a fairly good paying IT job to go back to the administrative field, but that didn’t work out either, for the admin field has changed a lot since I was in it four years ago. To make the money I am used to making, I’m going back into the IT world; it’s also the place I’m comfortable in. However, my heart lies in the creative world, so I’ve decided that I’m going to make the most of the free time I have now (for there’s a reason I have this free time) and look into doing what I really want, which is something creative and get paid for it. I don’t want to reveal too much here for you should never tell anyone your goals.

As I am writing this post, I am watching the last few minutes of the finale of Million Dollar Listing via Xfinity On Demand. There is a scene in which Luis meets with a very high end developer he was working with to tell him he sold an apartment in his (the developer’s) apartment. This apartment was a test to see if Luis was the right fit to sell the other apartments in the building, and because of the sell, the developer wants Luis to sell the other apartments. I was hoping Luis would not go back on his plans to leave real estate just for that last hurrah of making a lot of money off the sale. Again, I can relate.

Sometimes, money looks that good you are willing to sacrifice your happiness, even for a moment, for the mean, mean green. I was fearful Luis would see green and decide to stay in real estate, but Luis did my heart proud when he turned down the offer. Luis knew for sure he was making the right decision by walking away from real estate. He also knew his assistance Ronita (who is also into real estate) would be perfect for the job and told the developer so. Luis is moving on, while Ronita is moving up. At time goes on, Luis will feel even better about his decision and realize that quitting the real estate business was the right choice for him.

Quitting something you’ve worked hard for is a hard thing to do, especially when you had to work harder than those who have gone to college in the same respective field. I questioned leaving the IT field many a times because it became a security blanket for me. But if you settle, knowing your heart isn’t in it, you are doing yourself a disservice. Life is about risks and you have to take them once in a while or you don’t grow and you don’t learn and you may not get to live your dream.

Quitting doesn’t mean giving up. It just means you have realized you’ve reached a brick wall that is not worth the effort to knock down. Once you come to this brick wall, you will learn what is important to you and what you are willing to fight for.

This episode of Million Dollar Listing affirmed my decision to pursue my dream and not let anything or anyone stop me.

Every Successful Person in the World Has Jumped

After taping an episode of Family Feud, Steve Harvey takes a moment to speak to the audience about anything. Sometimes it gets taped and other times it doesn’t. This one particular time it was taped. Before I continue, I want to say this; I believe everything happens for a reason. It took me an x amount of years and plenty of dark days to realize this. Once I came to that realization, I’ve relaxed a bit more. I don’t worry less, but I’m more relaxed.

As mentioned, the cameras were rolling while Mr. Harvey was speaking to the audience and he was talking about Jumping. Taking a chance by jumping off a cliff to pursue what you want in life. Taking that risk. It’s best heard from Mr. Harvey than me writing out what he said. Enjoy the video and let it sink in. I watched this about three months ago and it affects me today.

Thank you Mr. Steve Harvey for giving me the courage to jump of a cliff, that I’m still jumping off of, to pursue what I want to do in life.

Thank you Luis D. Ortiz for jumping off a cliff as I am jumping off a cliff. The fall will be long, but the landing will be soft.

Kat Von D vs. Jeffree Star: Private Feuds Made Public

Kat Von D vs. Jeffree Star

Recently, the tabloids (I’m just lumping all entertainment magazines and articles into one item) have been reporting that Kat Von D announced she’s distancing herself from Jeffree Star. I know who Kat is for I watched her show LA Ink back in the day, but I have never heard of Jeffree Star before now. I never read any of the articles about this situation either. I only became aware of the issue via Facebook’s trending links. I guess the issue between Kat and Jeffree had been going on for sometime now, but lately Kat announced her distance from Star. I’m not sure why she feels the need to announce this to world, but I guess that’s how celebrities act – by putting their business in the streets. I can understand them wanting to do it themselves, as to keep things from being misconstrued, but it still amazes me.

From what I’m gathering by reading headlines and the first line of the articles (this is why I get in trouble a lot, I don’t read entire articles – my attention span isn’t that long), Kat and Jeffree have been friends for years. I guess she helped him with his make-up brand and other things. I’m not sure where the break down started between those two, but from Kat’s video (which I have posted for I want to help her get her business in the street to more people), it started when Kat referred an artist friend to Jeffree to design a logo for his brand, but Jeffree never paid him. Again, I’m only guessing. It might have been over the fact that Kat would not invest in Jeffree’s make-up business. I’m not sure, and yes, I did watch Kat’s video, as I did Jeffree’s counter-video.

You’ll note that Kat says she isn’t making the video to bash Jeffree, yet she does. She does in a classy way, but she does bash him. Apparently, the current video was in response to not only her “feud” with Jeffree, but also to clear up her previous post (which I can’t find, but I’m not looking that hard for it either) in which she said some harsh things about Jeffree. Jeffree, on the other hand, does not bash Kat. Jeffree’s purpose to the bring out what he considers the truth of what took place. However, as the say goes, there’s three sides to every story: his, hers and the truth.

In No Way is My Video nor My Post Meant to Bash Anybody

Kat Von D’s video commentary on the Jeffree Star issue

After watching Kat’s video, I was impressed by how she handled herself. As mentioned, she did bash Jeffree a bit, but so be it. She was not rude, condescending or anything else. She spoke, what she considered the truth.

I posted this video on Facebook in which a friend posted Jeffree’s response video. I watched his as well.


Jeffree Star was active on Twitter regarding the whole Kat issue he and her are having.

Star's tweets

I’m not sure when the tweets went out, but the video by Jeffree was uploaded to YouTube on 20 July 2016. So much for not needing to make a video in response to Kat.

Jeffree Star’s response to Kat’s video.


I was with Jeffree while watching the video and until…UNTIL he started showing the texts between himself and Kat. Now, it wasn’t the showing of the texts that bothered me, rather, his final text to her that bothered me.

STar's text to Kat

If you note, there’s blue text box followed by a gray text box. When you text someone from one iPhone to another, your text will show up blew on your end and gray on their end, and vice versa. When it’s Android to iPhone, the sender’s text is green, as in the picture. Jeffree states that was the last text he sent to Kat. In the picture, it says underneath, Sent as a Text Message. There are two things that bother me about the text: 1. it’s in green, which indicates its from an Android phone. How can that be, if he has an iPhone. Secondly, it says Sent as a Text Message. So where was this original composed. I looked at my text messages to my friend (iPhone to iPhone) and none of my text says Sent as Text Message and they are all in blue (mine to her), and hers back to me are gray.

As mentioned, I was with Jeffree until that final text message he said he sent Kat.


People, now-a-days, it seems, can fall in and out of friendship like nobody’s business. There are three people I’ve known for eons that I still keep in contact with, and lot of the thanks go to Facebook for this. Everyone else, I wouldn’t know if they are alive or dead. Then there are those I’ve met on Facebook and have been Facebook Friends for five years to two months. Unfriending someone on Facebook is no big deal to a lot of people. I’ve had it happen to me over the past few days. But I’m digressing.

I don’t know the history of Kat and Jeffree and how they became friends. I don’t know if Kat was an unknown when they became friends or she was well known and had clout when they met. I am going to guess the latter. Although I don’t know either one personally, I am going to take Kat’s side on this one. I have a feeling that Jeffree was hoping Kat would use her clout and connections to help him with his endeavors, what that may be since he’s been in to everything under the sun, and when she wouldn’t do that, it pissed him off. I could be completely wrong, but that’s my guess.

Also, there could be a deeper underlying issue here that we aren’t privy to, and shouldn’t be privy to. I say this because as with most friendships that have gone on for years and years that suddenly end, something deeper has happened that caused the breakage…perhaps not the initial breakage, but it was lingering in the background and it just took the accidental breakage of a glass to end it all. Or, people are that shallow, that breaking off a friendship is nothing to them. I don’t know.
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Wentworth, Gold Fish and Joan Ferguson’s Reflection

There’s a show called Wentworth which is set in a fictitious women’s prison in Wentworth, Australia, currently running on FOXTEL (new season to begin in May). In this drama there is a character named Joan Ferguson (but you can all her Governor). If the name sounds familiar it’s because there was a series (soap opera) on some thirty years ago called Prisoner: Cell Block H in which there was a screw (guard) of the same name played very well by Maggie Kirkpatrick. Joan Ferguson is synonyms with evil and manipulation and anything else you can think of, yet, she’s a fantastic character, both in Wentworth and Prisoner because the character is more than what we see on the surface, but to keep reminding us of our pain, sorrow, anguish, we choose not to look too deep and just enjoy the antics that is Joan Ferguson.

In Wentworth Ferguson is played by Pamela Rabe who does a excellent job of becoming evil personified, yet I am fascinated with her (the character, that is) and most don’t know why and for me to explain would be difficult. In a nutshell, I see more than just evil lurking in the eyes of this character. I see hurt and anguish in which there is no outlet. It’s something we all can relate to if we take the time to look past the antics of the character and look inside the character. The writers did a great job in taking Ferguson to the next level by reminding us that loss is the most painful thing we can experience, and loss can haunt us for years, if we let it.

But Ferguson’s pain goes deeper than just the loss of someone she loved. Her pain and anguish also stems from year of verbal, and possibly, emotional abuse by her father. Although Ferguson is a fictional character, all characters are created from someone’s truth that soon becomes out truth. This is why we, at times, grab on to fictional characters. I tend to gravitate towards troubled characters; those that the world would soon turn it’s back on rather than try to understand. Someone else’s truth, sometimes, becomes my truth.

The picture below was captured by me while watching S3:E8 (titled Goldfish) which I feel is an extremely important episode in the whole series and there were a few scenes that played into my thought, this one being one of them. It depicts Ferguson in her office staring at her reflection (I captured the picture when she turned from her reflection). You see her turning from side to side watching her reflection do the same. Then she turns from her reflection to walk away but her reflection remains standing.

It’s also interesting this episode was named Goldfish:

In Buddhism: The golden fish symbolizes the auspiciousness of all living beings in a states of fearlessness, without danger of drowning in the ocean of sufferings, and migrating from place to place freely and spontaneously, just as fish swim freely without free through water.

I added the poem tonight because this particular picture kept staying with me in my mind and as an artist, I had to write it’s tale through my eyes.

Joan's Reflection for instagram

My reflection stares
though I can’t comprehend
The meaning behind my eyes
and a heart that won’t mend.

A master controller
has invaded my space
Bringing me closer
to my dead end race.

Memories are lacking
behind my cold gaze
My soul is entangled
in my homegrown maze.

I stand face to back
on this bleeding leading ledge
Always planning my demise
with this dull razor’s edge

I know of no solace
from the destruction I did comprise
For my reflection can’t comprehend
the soul that has since left my eyes.

(c) 2016 by Nikki Hoskin
All rights reserved.

Wentworth S1-3 can be seen on Netflix. S4 premiers on 10 May 2016 on FOXTEL (Australia) and on Netflix in December (tentative) for us American viewers.

All 692 episodes of Prisoner: Cell Block H can be viewed on YouTube. Look for Episode 1 and enjoy.

Jennifer Beals: Down To Earth and a Pleasure To Interview.

Coutesy of

I had the pleasure of interviewing Jennifer Beals in 2005 and I tell you, you couldn’t ask for a more down to earth person than her.

I worked as a receptionist at KPIX (CBS station in San Francisco, CA) from 2003 – 2005 and this job allotted me the opportunity to see who was in town or would be coming by the station. One particular day I saw a flyer stating Jennifer Beals would be given an award by GLADD Media Awards (this was in 2005) for her portrayal of Bette Porter on The L Word. I contacted her publicity agent and was granted an interview for June 6, 2005 at 6pm. Yes, I remember the date and time of this interview. I also remember she had a cold and was pregnant at the time.

The interview was a phone interview in which Jennifer Beals rang my phone at home. Now, here’s the kicker; Unlike the member of Girlfriends, Jennifer’s number was not blocked, meaning when the call came through it didn’t Caller ID Blocked. Her number was fully lit on my phone and I damn near jumped out of my skin. Well, first of all I was nervous as it was because I was interviewing someone I really liked, but to have her number right there on my caller ID blew me away. No, I didn’t write the number down and hold on it it. I answered the phone and proceeded with the interview. After the interview was done, I hung up the phone and then I jumped up and down like a fool because I just scored an interview Jennifer Beals who I liked since Flashdance (1983).

The interview was to be about 15 minutes, but I believe it went for half hour. Mind you, I was fairly new at interviewing celebrities, but I did my best and asked good questions. Find good information about them before the interview and above all, if you find a hobby of theirs or something they do on the side, bring that up in the interview. This shows you are genuinely interested in that person. Well, I forgot to do that with Jennifer Beals. I forgot to ask about her being a photographer and how she got into to it and all that stuff.

Despite her being sick with a cold and pregnant (I forget how long she was then) talking to her was like talking to anyone, meaning, she didn’t talk down to me when I asked a really dumb question (boy, I could have kicked myself for that question and NO I won’t say what the dumb question was) and she answered all my questions like we were two people having a conversation.

The only part of the interview I didn’t like and am still a bit ticked off about was what City Lights did (remember, this is the magazine I freelanced for from 2004 – 2005). I presented a picture I wanted to use for the article to her publicist for approval and her publicist didn’t like it so she sent me one to use. I sent that picture to the editor of the magazine along with the article but he didn’t use picture. He picked a totally different one. I promised the publicist that once the article was published I would send a copy of it to her and I did, but I added a note stating the picture is not what I sent to the editor and apologized profusely.

TNT has cancelled Proof. According to TV Series Finale ratings were very low at the beginning and progressively got worse,”ended up averaging a 0.31 in the demo with 2.12 million”. I haven’t watched the show but give it a few years and it might be listed as Brilliant But Cancelled.

Lifetime Movie: Cold Spring (Contains Spoilers)

The Plot: After losing her baby when she’s hit by a car, a couple decides to move to Cold Spring in hopes of a new start.

The Players:
Roy: Sean Patrick Flanery (Powder, The Boondock Saints, Suicide Kings)
Sarah: Natasha Henstridge (Species)
Diane: Jennifer Gibson: (Maps to the Stars)

What Happened: Roy (Flanery) is a lawyer who is stepping out on his wife with Diane. While moving into a house with the help of Diane, Roy gets a phone call from his wife Diane (Henstridge). She tells him that she’s on her way home and would like for them to have lunch together. Roy hears an ambulance in the background but also in real time which causes him to believe his wife is closer than he thinks and his fears are confirmed when he looks out the window and see’s his wife across the street walking towards the house. He tries to divert her from the house by asking her to get a table at a nearby restaurant and he will be there shortly to which she agrees. Just as they are to hang up from each other he hears her scream and fall into traffic and get hit by car. Fast forward a few weeks later we learn that she has lost the baby. A doctor doing a home visit prescribes her medication and tells her that in time she will get over the lost.

I can’t remember how it came about but Roy is advised to move him and his wife from New York to Cold Spring, a very small town in which Sarah can get the peace and quiet she needs and it will be a great place for them to start their lives over again. Roy wants to move there to get away from Diane as well who won’t leave him alone. Since the accident Roy has become more attentive to his wife and does not want to have anything to do with Diane.

During their time in Cold Spring Sarah is having dreams of a four year old boy as well as of being killed or attempted murder on herself, while Roy thinks he’s seeing Diane about town. Each instances is not really happening.

What’s REALLY Happening: The boy Sarah is dreaming about belongs to Diane (whom was killed by Sarah but not on purpose*). The boy is not Roy’s but a child Diane had with her former boyfriend who was abusive to both Diane and the boy. The boyfriend beat the boy so bad he put him in a coma. Roy is not aware that his former girlfriend is dead until the end of the movie when the boyfriend takes Sarah hostage and lures Roy to the hide out so he can witness the boyfriend kill Sarah. It’s Diane’s boyfriend how pushed Sarah into traffic in hopes of killing her but since that didn’t happen he decided to kidnap her with the goal of killing her.

*Diane arrived at Roy’s house (when they lived in New York) and encounters his wife. She (Diane) tries to play off by saying she has the wrong place and as she’s leaving Sarah tells her not to ever come back. Diane somehow ends up in the house (I never understood how that happened) and as Sarah is running upstairs, Diane follows her and that’s when Sarah pushed Diane while telling her to get out of her house. Diane hits her head against the banister and dies. Sarah moves Diane’s body to an alley to look like she got mugged while burying her purse in a field or her backyard.

The Good: The plot and story-line was a good one. I enjoyed the mystery behind the strange dreams Sarah was having and the meaning behind the boy she kept seeing in her dreams.

The Bad: The chemistry between Flanery and Henstridge was not there at all. I really don’t think Henstridge was feeling the roll as Flanery was while Flanery’s acting was sub-par. His best work was in Powder (1995) and The Boondock Saints. The interaction between the two seemed forced and took away from the movie a bit. I got the feeling that Henstridge didn’t want Flanery near her and seemed annoyed by him. Flanery seemed to try to hard and possibly at times was over thinking his acting and movements.

The detective (who’s name I don’t remember and he’s not listed in the cast credits on was absolutely horrible. He used the vocal fry tone when talking which is so damn annoying. I’m not sure if he thought it sounded cool or what. And if he thought it sounded cool, like he was a hip detective, I wonder where he got the idea from.
Here’s a video about Vocal Fry

The boyfriend was just as bad as the detective in his attempt to act and sound threatening. He over emphasized his threats to Sarah and the looks on his face (which were meant to be mean looks) were of a joke. The look of fear on Henstridge’s face I think were more towards her fear of having to deal with this no-acting ass clown than the threats he was supposed to be giving her. The speech he was giving Sarah was something along the lines of leading a lamb to slaughter with Sarah being the lamb. Oy vey.

At the building where Sarah is being held, the cops see Roy through a window yet it took them almost 10 minutes to get to him. This threw me for a loop and had me lose a little bit of what was going on because I was trying to come up with excuses on why it was taking the cops so long to get inside and rescue Roy and his wife. Obviously the delay so more dramatic interactions between Roy, the boyfriend and Sarah could be played out, but they could have done this by switching between the scenes going on inside the building and the cops racing to get there. Oy vey once again.

The Ugly: There really isn’t any ugly to this movie. As mentioned it had a good story line and plot, but the chemistry between Flanery and Henstridge just wasn’t there and it was quite obvious. Sometimes, bad chemistry between actors can take away from the movie and cause the viewer to lose interest. I stayed because I wanted to know the meaning of Sarah’s dreams as well as get answers to a myriad of other things going on. I was getting a bit nervous that this was all going to be a supernatural thing, but it wasn’t. Whew!

Trivia: The house in the movie is the same house used in Cold Creek Manor (I shrugged my shoulders because I’ve seen nor heard of Cold Creek Manor).

As with most movies, towns are made up. But in this case there really is a Cold Spring, NY:

“The historic Village of Cold Spring is a small community in southeastern New York that is situated on the east bank of the Hudson River only fifty miles north of Manhattan.  It is one of two incorporated Villages within the Town of Philipstown in Putnam County. The Village occupies 0.6 square miles across the river from the United States Military Academy at West Point in the most scenic region of the Hudson Highlands”  (read more here-> Cold Spring, NY)

Cold Spring
Director: Sheldon Wilson –
Writer: Irvin Belateche
Starring (probably with regret): Natasha Henstridge, Sean Patrick Flanery

Drama, Mystery, Suspense

Currently showing on the Lifetime Movie Club app available for download in the Google Play store or App Store.d